


The time of Moony and Padfoot

by lonely_night



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: But then I am a bit of a wuss, I Made Myself Cry, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I love Rem, I'm Sorry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-05-31 05:06:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6457111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonely_night/pseuds/lonely_night
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm sorry, I just love Rem Rem and Siri too much okay?!<br/>:-) Probs real bad but let me know what you think<br/>xx</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. What Sirius thought of in Azkaban

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, I just love Rem Rem and Siri too much okay?!  
> :-) Probs real bad but let me know what you think  
> xx

He remembered the year the whomping willow was planted.  
The year he came to Hogwarts.  
That was one of the best years of his life. The year he felt he fitted in. The year he felt free. Free from his crazy parents with their pure-blood obsession, free from the sneers and disapproving stares, free from the expectations.  
That was the year he met his best friend, James. That was the year he met Remus Lupin.  
Sirius had always found it hard to describe Remus. Sirius could never predict what Remus would say, or do, or how he would react to certain things. He could never classify Moony, never say he was this or that, because to him, Remus was so many things.

In first year Remus was shy and awkward but by the time of their last Hogwarts year Remus was funny and chatty. Not so secretive. He was friendly and kind, even if he did have authority over Sirius and James because he was a prefect. Not that he chose to exercise his authority. More often than not Remus would help them in their frequent mischief making.  
Remus was the morning dew on the grass and the faint smell of lavender in the breeze. Remus was the kind presence at the breakfast table, the calm during a fight. Remus was the supportive hand when things didn’t go Sirius’ way, Remus was the tissue when he cried. Remus was the glistening tear that now slipped silently down Sirius’ face. He didn’t have any tissues. He didn’t have Remus.  
Remus was the howl at a full-moon and the groan of tortured misery. Remus was the tired and bloodshot eyes the morning after. Remus was the scratched and bloody back and the pained smile he gave Sirius when he caught him looking. Remus was the scars that Sirius wanted to touch so much, to heal them. Remus was infinite longing and dreamed-up fantasies. Remus was the closest Sirius had ever got to true love.  
‘And now he is further away than ever’, thought Sirius bitterly.  
For a while it had been fantasies of Moony that sustained him. He’d even got off to some of them: there was no dignity in Azkaban. That was assured from the first step you took inside it.  
Soon though, the fantasies stopped. They had had to stop. They just gave him more pain afterwards. So he resorted to thinking a poet’s thoughts and dreaming about his happy and care-free past. But he knew that eventually he would have to stop that to. If anything it was more painful.  
Sirius wondered when reality would begin.  
Somewhere, at some point, reality had to begin, hadn’t it?  
But somehow he doubted it ever would, after all, what were the chances of him being released? Sirius considered this question for a matter of seconds.  
There was no chance.  
No one would ever try to clear his name.  
He would never see Harry, his own godson, ever again. Perhaps it was better that he never did. Harry didn’t know that Sirius was completely, utterly, painfully, innocent.  
Nor did Remus.  
Remus probably hated him. Remus probably hated himself for letting Sirius ‘get away with it’.  
But most importantly, if Sirius was never going to get out of this hell-hole then he was going to save an unaware Harry and co. from Pettigrew. The rat. That destroyed everything and everyone that Sirius once held dear. Still held dear in fact. Just they never held him dear anymore. That hurt.  
He wondered what Remus thought of him. The pain overwhelmed him.  
He’d had enough.  
Enough of this hell.  
12 years of it too.  
He was getting out of here. Tonight.


	2. The shrieking shack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius in the shrieking shack.  
> From Remus' POV.  
> Also including when Remus transforms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took quite this long to write and type up :-/  
> Hope you people like it!

Remus sprinted into the shrieking shack. When he had seen Peter’s name on the Marauders map he had felt like his heart had momentarily stopped from shock. When he had seen Sirius’ name on the map too, he felt like his heart had broken in two. The map never lies.  
The sight that greeted Remus’ eyes both shocked and terrified him.  
Sirius was on the ground, utterly defenceless, Harry was practically on top of him, shaking with anger, his wand pointed menacingly at Sirius’ throat.  
Remus did not even stop to think: “expelliarmus!” he shouted.

“Well you’d know all about the madness within, wouldn’t you, Remus,” says Sirius mockingly.  
Remus recognises the defiance and the truth, and more importantly, the pain in Sirius’ voice. In that instant Remus knew that Sirius had not given away James and Lily. He knew that Sirius was innocent.  
Remus gave Sirius his hand and pulled him to his feet.  
Before Remus could react Sirius had pulled him into a tight hug. Remus wondered vaguely what Hermionie, Harry and Ron would think of him, he wondered how they would describe the hug. ‘Brotherly’ he hoped would be the word. But in reality, he knew the hug didn’t look brotherly, and it certainly didn’t feel brotherly either. It felt new, and different, and perfect. Sirius in his arms, comforting him, making him feel loved, giving him everything he had ever craved for over the12 years away from Sirius. Then he remembered Harry. What would Harry think of this? Harry who seemed to think that Sirius had killed James and Lily. Remus had thought that too, he remembered. ‘Oh sod it’ he thought. Remus needed this love, he needed Sirius’ love, he needed Sirius whispering in his ear about how much he’d missed him.  
Remus was bought back to reality by possibly the loudest “NO!” that he’d ever heard.

After half explaining the situation to a frantic Hermione and an extremely confused looking Harry, Remus was desperately trying to help Harry understand that it was Pettigrew they were about to kill, not Harry himself. Then, rather suddenly out of nowhere: “expelliarmus!” shouted Snape.  
Inside, Remus was in turmoil. How could Snape be here, just when the children were starting realise what was going on? On the outside, Remus tried to look calm and collected. Leaning against a table, he desperately tried to recollect his thoughts.  
“Remus and I have some unfinished business to attend to”, spat Sirius, his dislike for Snape clear for everyone to see. How Remus wished that Sirius meant something else when he said that. How Remus wished that Sirius meant the opposite of killing. How Remus wished, oh so desperately, that Sirius would just take him in his arms and hold him. Quickly and guiltily, Remus banished his thoughts for later, nighttime, when he could think alone.  
Harshly, Remus was pushed back to reality when Snape sharply jabbed his wand into Sirius’ neck. Overriding shock and panic coursed through Remus.  
“Severus, don’t be a fool”, advised Remus, struggling for a grip on the situation, how could he break through into Snape’s narrow and fearful mind?  
Tension was racing through him. Sirius began some witty remark to oppose Snape’s snap. “Sirius, be quiet!” said Remus loudly, worried that Snape would undoubtedly take it the wrong way.  
“Be quiet yourself, Remus!” shouted Sirius brutally.  
Hurt quietened Remus for a moment, the surprise showing on his face as he turned aside, and away from Sirius. Remus was just trying to help and to keep Sirius out of trouble, but he had been roughly pushed away. Remus ignored the little voice in his head that said that Sirius didn’t love him. Didn’t like him. ‘Sirius is changed,’ mocked the voice at the back of his mind.  
Remus shoved it away. It was only natural that Sirius should be like this, thought Remus, after 12 years in Azkaban, who wouldn’t be?  
“Listen to you two, quarrelling like an old, married couple”, sneered Snape.  
Oh and how Remus wished that was so. Snape probably didn’t realise how hard he’d hit the mark. ‘Although, he was always extremely clever,’ thought Remus, ‘so he probably does realise. He probably can see what I feel for Sirius. And maybe he’s jealous. After all, Snape never had much of a chance with Lily, not after James knew she existed’.  
Remus was drawn back to reality yet again, by Snape jerking his wand with even more force, into Sirius’ neck.  
“But why deny the Dementors? They’re so longing to see you.” said Snape.  
Remus watched as all the colour drained from Sirius’ face. He shivered. He could only imagine what the Dementor’s kiss must be like. Remus ached for Sirius, he would do whatever he possibly could to make sure Sirius never went back there, never experienced living hell ever again.  
“Do I detect a flicker of fear? Ah, yes. The Dementor’s kiss. One can only imagine what that must be like to endure,” said Snape venomously.  
Remus vaguely realised that Snape was enjoying this. This was pay-back for the nightmare of a time that Sirius and James had given him through his years at Hogwarts.  
Remus watched Sirius sag slightly, defeated. ‘No, I cannot let this happen’ thought Remus. ‘I can’t get this close to him, only to have him taken away again, I can’t let him experience it again.’  
Remus wracked his brain for a plan. His tired brain. Not much better off than his body. His body was so ugly with scars that Remus couldn’t imagine why anyone, least of all Sirius, would want to bed him. It was just as well that Sirius wasn’t going to then, wasn't it.  
Just as Remus realised he was at a loss as for what to do, Harry pointed his wand. “Expelliarmus!” shouted harry, stunning Snape.  
“Tell me about Peter Pettigrew,” demanded Harry.  
Finally. Finally there was a chance of telling Harry the truth and getting all 5 of them (not including Snape), out of there.  
Together, Sirius and Remus explained Pettigrew’s ‘death’ or rather, sudden disappearance. Together, they explained that Sirius was innocent. Together, they turned Scabbers into Peter Pettigrew.

On the way back up to the castle Remus felt a sudden change go over him.  
It wasn’t a good change.  
There was a full moon.  
The light of it illuminated his face. Remus was transforming.  
he began to shake. The familiar, unimaginable pain was beginning.  
Sirus’ words bounced off him like pinballs, Remus tried to listen to Sirius’ voice that was begging him to remain human, trying to feel Sirius’ strong hands as they roamed up and down his body, clutching at him, holding him, willing him to stay human.  
“Remus! Remus!” shouted Sirius desperately.  
Remus screamed, an unworldly scream, an inhuman scream.  
This was the worst part.  
His body expanded, and grew in record speed, his bones shifting and regrowing.  
Then Remus’ head developed, and his nose grew to a muzzle, his ears grew long and a little pointy. The pain was nearly unbearable. His whole body shook and trembled with anguish. He whimpered. Hermione crept forward, “Professor Lupin?” she whispered.  
Remus tried to connect with her voice, tried to will himself back to humanity. It was too late. The agony consumed him. His human side left him. Remus was fully werewolf.  
Not fully aware of what he was doing, his animal instincts took over.  
Snape had returned and he wrapped his arms around the children, protecting them. Snape was brave, he truly was. If Remus hadn’t been a werewolf at that particular moment then he might have felt a little admiration for the man. Unfortunately for Snape, that was not the case.  
Remus crept forward, snarling angrily.  
He swatted at the huddle of people before him, as if he was swatting a fly.  
Hermione screamed a spectacular scream just as Sirius, in the form of Padfoot, came bounding, leaping, towards Remus.  
A terrible fight ensued.  
Just as Remus wondered if he could continue to take this constant battering, Sirius ran off, panting and with blood gashing from his wounds. Remus ran after him, eager to assure his victory.  
Suddenly, a stone hit his head. The pain startled him. Running towards his offender who was in the shape of Harry,n he prepared to strike. Then suddenly, a noise stopped him. A howl. The howl of a werewolf. One of his kind. Obligingly, he went off towards it, leaving Sirius and Harry behind.


	3. The end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set firstly in Grimaud place (order of the phoenix), and then set in the Ministry of Magic.  
> Final bit is from the deathly hallows.  
> Mainly from Remus' point of view.  
> Most is in 3rd person.

In the headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix there was a slight argument going on.  
A slight argument regarding Voldemort, the dark lord.  
Harry approached the door cautiously, but then more certainly because Sirius’ voice could be heard.  
“We have to act now! He’s getting stronger by the minute!” said Sirius impatiently.  
He looked up. Harry grinned at him. Sirius smiled and draped his arm around Remus.  
This caused Remus to stiffen suddenly. Sirius frowned and glanced over at his old friend, or more accurately, thought Sirius, his old I-want-to-be-more-than-friends friend, his -you-are-way-to-good-for-me friend, concern graced Sirius’ now handsome face. “Hey, relax Moony, it’s only me,” murmured Sirius in Remus’ ear. If anything, this sentence increased the tension in Remus. It wasn’t that Remus wasn’t friends with Sirius: he most certainly was, it wasn’t that Remus didn’t trust Sirius: he trusted him with his life, and it wasn’t like Remus didn’t like Sirius. That was the problem. He liked Sirius too much. ‘I may as well just admit it to myself’, thought Remus, ‘I love him’. That was the problem. Remus was in love with Sirius. Deeply in love with Sirius, painfully in love with Sirius. And he couldn’t tell Sirius because he’d have to risk losing him again. And that was more than he could bear. He was not ready to lose Sirius, not since he’d only just found him again.  
Sirius smiled gently at him, so Remus desperately tried to relax. He couldn’t tell whether it worked, but it probably did, or Sirius wouldn’t have boldly moved his hand to rest on his thigh. ‘Remus…” whispered Sirius, leaning over to whisper into his ear.  
“Hmmm?” replied Remus, his heart pounding in his chest so loudly that he was sure Sirius could hear it.  
But Sirius’ attention had quickly snapped back to Harry. “Wait a second,” said Sirius, checking that Harry was okay. Mercifully for the both of them, Molly Weasley stepped in front of the door and closed it, concealing them from Harry’s view.  
“Just had to check that he’s safe,” said Sirius to Remus.  
“Yes,” said Remus, “It’s great that he can be here, not with the Dursleys.”  
Sirius smiled and leaned into Remus, knowing that no one around them would neither notice nor care because they were too busy having a heated argument. “So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” asked Remus.  
“Well… “ Sirius paused, “I’m going to need to talk to you in a completely private place, okay Rem?”  
“Sure Sirius,” said Remus calmly, although his heart was beating at a million miles a second and his head was screaming all sorts of things at him. “But first, Harry?” inquired Sirius, smiling at Remus. They both wanted to see Harry and to catch up with him. Remus nodded, grinning at him, and Sirius opened the door and leaned in the door frame with Remus just behind him.  
“Harry Potter…” said Sirius proudly  
“Sirius!” exclaimed Harry, running to him and hugging him. Remus smiled fondly at the two. His two favourite people in all the world.

After Harry decided he was going to see Hermione and Ron, Sirius led Remus up to his old room.  
`”My old room… pretty gloomy place,” said Sirius a little sadly, “much brighter when you’re in it though Rem.“  
Remus could feel himself blushing like a young schoolgirl. He smiled at Sirius (the smile that made Sirius’ stomach do flips), “I rather like it, it smells like you, like home,” said Remus, trying not to inwardly cringe at what he just said and to pretend that it was totally normal.  
Sirius glanced up at him. “I suppose I better tell you then, Remus.”  
“I suppose you better,” Remus said gently.  
“Oh Rem, I’m sorry,” whispered Sirius.  
“Why?”  
“Because… because… I love you.”  
Remus gasped slightly and pulled Sirius to him. “I love you too, always have, always will do,” murmured Remus. Sirius cupped Remus’ face in his hands and gently kissed him. Everything that Remus ever felt, ever wanted, ever needed, all the longing, and sadness, and pain, and love that he felt every day, all of Remus’ emotion went into their first kiss together.  
Sirius felt it all, he felt everything that Remus wanted him know.  
Carefully, Sirius undressed Remus, gentle, quiet, loving hands peeled away his clothing. Skin touched skin and they kissed again. They moved in harmony, lovingly pressing bites and kisses to each other. Moaning and murmurs and whispers of undeniable love, infinite love, beautiful, intricate promises, woven with kisses. And after, when it was all over, they lay together, saying nothing, in peaceful silence, just holding each other and murmuring sweet nothings in their heads, sweet nothings in their hearts. And they both knew that it was love. Not a crush, not a fleeting fantasy or brief moment, but love.

A couple of months later, Remus remembered that moment.  
The moment of realisation and of happiness. Complete and utter happiness.  
And it was as he was holding Harry that he remembered the feeling. Remus wondered if he’d ever be able to feel love again. To feel loved. And to love in return.  
He saw Sirius’ face, under his closed eyelids, still smiling, still wise, although with a slither of pain. He hoped it hadn’t hurt. Oh dear God, Remus prayed it hadn’t hurt.  
And as Harry screamed and cried in his straining arms, only one thought went through his head. The thought was ‘I love you, I love you, I love you’.  
And then just thinking it wasn’t enough.  
“i love you, I love you, I love you,” whispered Remus.  
No one could hear him, of that Remus was certain. Harry was drowning Remus out with his own cries of sorrow.  
Remus wondered if he’d ever love again. Wondered if he’d ever feel loved. Wondered if he’d ever be loved and be able to love in return.  
Half of him hoped he never would love again.  
Maybe it would not hurt quite so much when he had to stop loving them.  
Maybe he’d’d never see their face behind his eyes when he fell asleep at night.  
Never see their body and never hear their moans and whispers.  
Never hear how beautiful his name sounded when Sirius said “Remus”.  
Remus hoped he would never love again so that he would never say “I love you,” to someone who was not Sirius.

And in his final moments, Remus did not think of Tonks, dead beside him, he did not think of his certain death that would come swiftly, he did not even think of Harry, and who he was leaving behind. He thought of Sirius, and how it sounded when Sirius said “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this everyone who has.  
> Sorry that it was sad and hopefully you liked it!
> 
> Please comment or leave kudos :)


End file.
